a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
