the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think I have vodka in my lungs
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
