another moral hangover. fuck.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Welp...herpes.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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