No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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