I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
