The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
