Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
