you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
