think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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