After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
