I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
