should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
