This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize