My Higher Power is John Stamos
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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