Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
birth control should be required to get into college
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
