I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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