Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
