Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize