remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
