I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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