I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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