I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
