It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
