Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wish my penis had a tongue
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize