Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
