we're chasing vodka with high fives
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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