Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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