She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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