idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
