the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
