you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize