she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
