I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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