ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
