Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
