so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
