I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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