its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
