my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
