New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
