Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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