Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
