Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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