just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
