i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
