careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
