I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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