can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
