what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
