on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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