it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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