.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
