I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
