When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
