Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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