I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
