My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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