In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
