I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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