Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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