so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize