the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
