Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
