if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
