i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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