yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
vagina is talking i cant
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize