If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
