Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
