No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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