Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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