Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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